Expectations & Contentment: About People, Stuff, Ourselves, and Life

Can you develop happiness? Mayo Clinic says yes˛if we:

Are kind to everyone.

• Live in the moment to enjoy the small pleasures of life.

• Express gratitude daily for whatever is good.

• Cultivate optimism and choose to be around optimists.

• Find purpose and align its to-do list with meaningful relationships.

Happiness in life isn’t guaranteed by God or our Constitution, which says we have the right to “pursue happiness.” Yet, pursuing happiness may not bring it. If happiness seems elusive, we may lower expectations, just hoping for fairness. Laws demand that all be treated fairly, yet fail, because they’re administered by flawed people (like us all). The result? Even fairness is rare and we don’t feel happy.

The Good News

We can adjust expectations so that we’ll not be upset but have attitudes which enable contentment. How?

First, by accepting that life has unfairness. Jesus said, “In this world, you will have tribulation‚ (John 16:33). We should oppose unfairness where we can make a difference, but knowing that unfairness is part of life, we’ll be less blind-sided by disappointment.

Next, don’t compare yourself to others; there will always be those who appear to have more than you.

Third, don’t put life choices on hold until a hope is fulfilled (e.g., not buying a home until finding a spouse). Work toward goals (even small ones), with self-discipline; each little achievement brings a bit of joy.

Serving in corrections, you already have far more self-discipline than the average person, and can use this for your benefit!

It’s been said, “We all suffer from self-discipline or regret; the difference is that self-discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” Those who consistently discipline themselves are wise and productive, e.g., like choosing to read the Bible daily. When you don’t accomplish goals perfectly or quickly, choose to enjoy the journey: those you meet, abilities you develop, and knowledge you gain through it.

Finally, express aloud gratefulness for what’s good—a hot shower, safe commute—every little thing.

Relationship Expectations

Disappointed with a fellow officer, spouse, kid, parent, or sibling? God makes people different, so our varying perspectives can foster disagreement. Even a good intention can be misguided or misunderstood. Yet, God puts people in our lives to enhance it or give us opportunity to grow, if we accept them as they are (just as we want to be accepted). If we appreciate others’ good attributes, and not focus on, belittle, or nag about where they “fall short,‚ we’ll feel calmer and happier.

Expectations About Possessions

Messages bombard: “Buy this and be happy”find excitement”gain acceptance...‚ Yet, things can enslave and own us. Then, because things and people never fully satisfy, we acquire more, thinking more will provide satisfaction (it’s how addictions begin). If possessions, power, and people could satisfy, we’d not see celebrities destroyed by addiction. Fame and wealth failed to bring contentment.

With self-control (which COs constantly demonstrate), we can buy less and get satisfaction by maintaining possessions well. Then we appreciate what we have and are more likely to have funds available for emergencies or to help others˛which can bring peace, connection, and satisfaction. Inmates are often in jail because they foolishly made stuff and money their goal and god. As Proverbs 13 states: “The wicked” shame themselves”whoever disregards discipline comes to poverty and shame.‚

Job Expectations

A career may pay well, use your abilities, and bring advancement or recognition, but it rarely delivers all these daily, for years. Appreciate such moments, but don’t expect work to keep you happy.

Instead, approach it as a school where you can learn about the work, and how to learn to relate well with all types, and to be of most value. Satisfaction is a natural by-product from learning and helping others.

Serving in corrections, you’re experienced in dealing with a multitude of personalities and issues. COs often choose to ‘go the extra mile’ with inmates, for visitors, and others. I hope you feel satisfaction from faithfully accomplishing what few can do. COs’ perseverance constantly amazes me.

Self-evaluation and Expectation

We may accept in ourselves those characteristics which we dislike in others. Conversely, we may be critical of our traits, body-type, limitations, etc.

Neither assessment (self-satisfaction or self-damnation), is fully accurate or helpful. God makes each person unique; what a boring world it’d be if we were alike! You’re “fearfully and wonderfully made‚ (Psalm 139), with “different abilities‚ (1 Corinthians 12:4-5). Thank him for how he made you, and “be content in any circumstance‚ (Philippians 4:11).

This may sound impossible: accepting others’ weaknesses while not feeling superior; and being content with yourself yet striving to improve. But these are possible˛with God’s help, so ask him to help. Then, “If God is for us, who can be against us?‚ (Romans 8:31). By trying˛even if not 100% succeeding˛to do as he says, we’ll fulfill his expectations (rather than the world’s), which will be far more satisfying!

About 1000 BC, shepherd boy David volunteered to fight 9-foot Goliath. To help, King Saul gave his set of armor. David might have felt obliged to accept the heavy armor, but refused it, defeating Goliath using his familiar slingshot. He relied upon God and his God-given experience fighting bears. He didn’t try to please or be like the king. If we deny our true self, we play a role, which is stressful because it’s not us. Trust God, and implement his wise ways˛while being yourself.

Where Did We Get Our Craving For Perfection?

It’s natural. God created humans in his image, to crave perfection and longevity. He “set eternity in our heart‚ (Ecclesiastes 3:11), so we’d want to live eternally, in a perfect world.

But this world isn’t perfect, so can’t satisfy, no matter how much of it we get. Plus, we have an enemy who wants us to put all our hope into this world: Satan tempts, assuring us that our “wants‚ are safe and should be fulfilled. Then, as we become hooked on things, he accuses us of stupidity, heaps on guilt, then lies˛saying we’ve no way out.

In contrast, choosing to follow God’s loving guidance lessens temptation (which is why it’s vital to read the Bible, often). Then, if we give into temptation, we need not feel guilty, because God˛unlike humans˛is always willing to forgive: “If we confess our sin, he is faithful to forgive and cleanse us from ungodly living‚ (1 John 1:9). He provides fresh life and hope.

Adjusting Our Expectations of This World

In this life, we’ll be disappointed, and disappoint others. Look forward to eternity. Choosing an eternal perspective, pain, sin, and failure can’t derail us. God says that while we’re on this earth, we should help others and strive to improve ourselves, but also focus on what lies ahead: “streets of gold”love”no pain or tears”‚ (Revelation 21).

There will be perfection, fairness, harmony in all relationships, comfort, beauty, and joy exceeding our wildest dreams: “No mind has conceived what God has prepared˛for those who love him.‚ (1st Corinthians 2:9). Long for heaven; it’s certain and beyond expectation!

Aren’t You Glad God Treats Us Unfairly— Not As We Deserve?

“God does not treat us as our sins deserve‚ (Psalm 103:10). Instead, daily he pours grace and mercy on us, treating us unfairly by giving us good things we don’t deserve!

If we think about the wonderfully unfair love we receive from God (who left his throne, came to Earth in a limited, human body, then died to pay for our sin), the unfair treatment we get in this world won’t bother us so much. Call that to mind when someone is unfair or lets you down. Focus on the eternal, place your expectations there, and enjoy this life far more.

If you’ve any question about eternity or how to be certain that you’ll enter heaven after death, I’d love to hear from you.

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Chaplain Linda Ahrens Chaplain American Jail Association

Reference

Sources: www.mayoclinic.org, The Bible

Note: The opinions expressed in the article are my own as a volunteer chaplain and do not reflect the views of any other entity.