Purgatory: Overcoming Corrective Limbo

Have you ever received verbal counseling, been written up, unwillingly transferred, or even demoted? Better yet, has your career relied on individuals you have never seen before? Certainly, we all know someone who has been reprimanded during this professional journey of corrections. At some point in your career, it is possible that your signature has been required on some form of a corrective procedure. Though some actions are harsher than others, this documentation can alter your confidence, cause a professional setback, embarrassment, and self-termination; thus, emotionally, you are in a temporary place that I refer to as “Purgatory.”

During my tenure in corrections, I was directly involved in an incident that made the news. Consequently, I was facing the possibility of termination. Thankfully, I received a disciplinary measure that still allowed me to remain employed with the agency; however, mentally, I was placed in “purgatory.” Despite the setback, I was able to overcome the obstacles stipulated in the terms and conditions of my reprimand. In this article, I will explain the effects of receiving corrective action and detail how to successfully fulfill the requirements of your disciplinary proceedings.

The concept of purgatory is defined as a place of temporary suffering; a hypothetical dark mental venue; limbo – balancing the good and the bad. Depending on your agency's policy and procedure, you will remain here for a few months and maybe years. Imagine being at a hotel and checking into your room. All the information has been verified and submitted. The reception clerk hands you a key, and you’re headed for some rest. However, from a correctional standpoint, your administration is that clerk. Instead of getting your key card, room number, and Wi-Fi code, you received a notice of eviction. Instead of grabbing your bags and kicking up your feet in a nice, comfy bed, you are picking up your emotions and heading into an uncomfortable vacation.

Confidence

After years of doing this line of work, I was confident in my skills, knowledge, and job duties. I was proficient in policy and procedure. Upon receiving corrective action, it diminished my self-esteem. In this line of work, seconds can not only change your life but also another person’s. Confidence is important because it can define an officer’s skills and ability. However, thinking “what should I do” constantly ran through my mind in high-stress situations. Once full of self-confidence, I subsequently became skeptical and began to criticize my decision-making. Because of my reprimand, I began to believe my supervisors and administration might not agree with my course of action when resolving issues. Afraid to make another mistake, I became lackadaisical in making decisions in life and death situations. One characteristic of being successful in this career is confidence – an absolute guarantee of knowing what I’m doing is right. However, my time in purgatory changed my abilities. It altered my job performance. It was reflected in my evaluation and, ultimately, documented a pattern of uncertainty. Being stuck between the right and wrong decision-making permanently disrupted my confidence.

Professional Setback

As a cadet in the training academy, I had dreams and aspirations of putting on the shiny collar brass. I watched my supervisors and admired their command presence, their poise, and their knowledge. I paid attention to their work and understood the process it took to advance to leadership. I finally completed the steps of “putting in my time” and was ready to apply for that promotion. Conversely, one hiccup derailed my professional goals. Knowing the outcome of a disciplinary procedure, I was deterred from even pursuing advancement. After all the hard work, I knew I would have to wait another year or two to even be considered. Watching other officers get promoted who began their careers after me became disheartening, especially when I helped train them. Not to say I developed a sense of jealousy, but I did develop mental frustration. I created a professional timeline, mentally notating who was next up on the promotional list. After patiently waiting, my peers and I knew it was my turn. However, receiving a write-up put me at the back of the line. Ultimately, it added fuel to the bus barreling me towards a mental pause I was already beginning to experience.

Embarrassment

During my tenure, I often participated in workplace gossip to pass the time. It was common to laugh and make fun of my peers who made a mistake. “Hey, have you heard about what that officer did?” This time, I was on the opposite end of a joke. It’s funny, until it’s your turn. Throughout my career, I proved myself competent in my job duties and obtained the skills of being an outstanding correctional officer. I was often recognized and received multiple awards for my outstanding work. Nevertheless, I had now received what I believed to be a professional death sentence. The feeling of everything I had accomplished and earned was tarnished. My hard work felt like a distant memory. When landing in purgatory, it seemed as though not one person remembered those accolades. I’d now become the talk of the agency with rumors and jokes about me being a water cooler discussion. Additionally, I was suffering from issues in my personal life and had no safe place or peace. Physically, I would laugh along with people to mask my embarrassment. Mentally, I was hurting because this mistake was not a representation of me and my dedication to the field of corrections.

Self-Termination

After leaving Human Resources, where I received my one-way ticket to purgatory, I was frustrated, especially when I felt I was doing my best. Have you ever felt like your best was not good enough? I began to tell myself that no one can measure my hard work and dedication but me. It mentally disturbed me, diminishing my desired longevity with the agency. I began to ask myself, “Why remain here if they are going to keep writing me up?” or tell myself, “I would be better off somewhere else.” I began to feel underappreciated, and to overcome this feeling, I began to seek employment elsewhere. I wanted to redeem myself with a fresh start because I knew my value. I began to consciously understand what I offered to any agency and workforce. Receiving a disciplinary sanction stifled any desire I had in corrections. Though I was given a second chance, I was mentally checked out and was in the driver’s seat to self-termination.

Perseverance

All these feelings became overwhelming. I then had a moment of clarity and told myself, “I am better than this.” I’m not going to be known and remembered as that guy who messed up. I convinced myself that I was not going anywhere. I worked extremely hard and dedicated my loyalty to the agency. I decided to reset my mindset and conquer this self-termination. I began to ask myself, how can I exit purgatory? I overcame my sentence in four ways. First, and most importantly, I began to take accountability for my mistake. Once I was able to do this, I found myself gravitating towards like-minded, goal-oriented individuals. This allowed me to become more visible and a mentor to my peers.

Accountability

In the corrections profession, we wear many hats to achieve the goal of public safety. By providing community-based programs, adequate mental health, and proper re-entry, we are committed to reducing recidivism. The original concept of corrections is to “correct” behaviors that run contrary to laws set forth by the government. In order to properly correct, you must first take accountability. I began to admit faults and take ownership of my infractions. This was my fault. I can’t point my finger at anybody but myself. My actions led me into purgatory. Accepting ownership helped heal mental wounds.

All characteristics of accountability may not be visible, yet the physical aspect is always seen. Accountability comes with a positive attitude and spirit. It was imperative I remained jovial in overcoming purgatory. I reported to work every day with a smile. While my peers and leadership expected frustration, it showed character when I was unruffled. I found a solution to correct my mistakes to ensure I did not extend my stay in purgatory. I grew to understand the corrective action I faced was not personalized, specifically, for me. It applies to everyone. Corrective action is not personal, its policy.

Goal-Oriented People

Have you ever heard of the old saying, “birds of a feather flock together” and/or “misery loves company”? There are several types of correctional officers. Coincidentally, staff members who share the same similarities typically gravitate towards each other. While being in purgatory, I wanted to remain in close contact with those who had the same goals as me – to advance within the agency. I surrounded myself with individuals who aspire to move up in the agency. Not only did they have dreams of accomplishing their goals, but they were also busy completing the steps necessary to turn those dreams into reality. Setting short-term goals to accomplish long-term achievements. It was motivation for me, and it became a competition. We weren’t competing with each other, but a game of “If you can do it, I can do it, too.”

In the meantime, I avoided negative officers. Often, they are senior staff with longevity, regularly not having anything positive to say. They are like peacocks. Decorated in years of service and advice, but they can only fly so far with their lack of enthusiasm and complacency. I only surrounded myself with eagles: officers who were sharp and precise on what they wanted to accomplish. I replicated their actions and reminded myself that this was me at one point in time – before purgatory. I began to create an avenue to reset my career. My goal was to exit purgatory, not remain there. Being around negative influences will turn a temporary placement into an extended stay.

Be Visible

It is important to put yourself in a position to be visible. Being recognized is a great tool to conquer purgatory. I continuously came to work with a positive attitude. I was setting goals and accomplishing them. However, only a few people knew of my achievements. Since many of my changes were “in-house,” I knew it was imperative to be noticed on a larger scale and to show my desire to exit purgatory.

In doing this, I decided to work towards achieving a certification from a nationally recognized accredited agency. There are several accrediting correctional agencies, such as the American Jail Association (AJA) and the American Correctional Association (ACA). They offer a certification that acknowledges correctional officers in competency and independent professional development. I knew this was a great way towards obtaining my goal. It allowed me to be recognized by not only the accrediting organization but also by my agency. I eventually obtained my certifications and was able to put myself in the spotlight. I stood in a room full of my agency’s top executives and was honored by the sheriff for receiving this distinction and commitment to the field of corrections.

Additionally, I began to inquire about outside training opportunities. I did my research to discover local correctional trainings and conferences. I attended these trainings and grasped what was being presented. I brought these new ideas to my agency, and when feasible, I began to incorporate these new recommendations. More often, I utilized my own accrued time and spent my own money to attend the functions. The objective of being visible is not only to be physically seen but to be distinguished as a leader and positive influence, displaying dedication to overcome.

Lastly, I asked myself, “When was the last time I reviewed my agency's mission statement? Have I bought into and believed the mission?” Corrections as a whole is essentially committed to protecting the community. What have I done for the community? Volunteering a few hours of community service is a great way to be visible. It is an example to represent the agency in a positive light. I also believe strongly in supporting and assisting my community. I began to be proactive. I did not wait until my agency mentioned community service opportunities. For example, every year there are families in need for the holidays. I began to organize with my peers and leadership to donate to a family in need. My intent was genuine, as my upbringing made volunteering personal. Being raised in a family of six, oftentimes my family was the recipient of community service. With sincerity and generosity, volunteering increases visibility.

Peer Mentorship

Being new to the agency, I remember asking a senior officer a question, and they replied, “Ask the supervisor,” knowing they knew the answer to my question. Internally, I saw something in them that gave me the confidence to ask that officer. Seeking an answer, I was deferred to someone else. Ultimately, I didn’t want to become that person. Purgatory put me in a bitter spirit. However, newly hired officers began to notice my knowledge and confidence. They began to ask me questions. Whether I knew it or not, I began to develop a responsibility. These individuals could ask anybody on shift, but they asked me. Why? Being a mentor to a young, bright, and upcoming officer helped me. It gave me a reason to remain positive and overcome. It was necessary for me to withdraw from my bitterness. It reminded me of strengths that were lost after receiving corrective action. Soon, I became that buffer between staff and supervision. Leadership began to count on me to get things done and be a key factor in operating a successful shift. I worked my way back into good spirits, remained humble, noticeable, and, eventually, overcame the corrective limbo.

Overcoming purgatory is not easy. It takes time, determination, and willpower to defeat this emotion. In retrospect, I was right where I needed to be. It was mandatory for me to go to purgatory. I became a better version of myself when I persevered. I was a block of marble; Hard-headed and no infrastructure. Purgatory gave me a hammer and chisel. It hurt when I chipped away the unnecessary pieces of me. But when it was all over, a remarkable piece of art was formed through the growing pains. If this happens to you and you successfully overcome it, your success story will provide others with reassurance. Of course, you may miss opportunities for a promotion; however, your promotion will be greater with patience. Imagine supervising the foundation you created while in purgatory. You can put a stop to workplace gossip because you understand how it feels to be on the receiving end. Finally, your journey will help with retention and motivate others with the same experience. Personally, purgatory was necessary to mold me into a better officer, eventually, leading to that promotion I felt was impossible. Remember, a great leader leaves a permanent positive impact on the field of corrections and all those around you.

Captain Patrick McKinney, CJS, CCO, began his career with the Davidson County Sheriff’s Office in 2016. He holds a bachelor’s and master’s degree in Criminal Justice as well as several certifications, including AJA’s Certified Jail Supervisor and ACA’s Certified Corrections Officer and Behavioral Health Certification. He is a Field Training Officer with an abundance of specialized training through the Tennessee Corrections Institute. For professional inquiries, Captain McKinney can be reached at Patrick.Mckinney@NashvilleSheriff.gov