Leading with Limits:
Why Having Strong Boundaries Creates Workplace Stress
Barbara L. Gould
It can start innocently enough: you are assigned to train the new hire for the next few shifts. They are nice, likable, and motivated. You keep things professional, but they slowly start asking non-work-related questions. It seems innocent enough. I mean, those of us who work in a command culture are told to consider each other family, right? So, it’s no big deal when they ask for your phone number to “message with work-related questions” when you are not partnered together. They cite “just in case the next FTO isn’t as knowledgeable as you.” Then things change. Now the questions are personal: your likes, dislikes, family, etc. And as the correspondence progresses, it becomes flirtatious. You are suddenly in disbelief that something like this is happening to you. You’re not sure what to do. You try to talk to a trusted co-worker or boss about the situation, but they are quick to point out how much ‘break time’ you spend together, the fact that you gave them your phone number, and how often you are texting each other. So, what happened? Boundary failure: that’s what happened.
Why Are Boundaries Important?
Contrary to popular myths, boundaries do not shut people out. In fact, they allow people in – but with parameters for acceptable and appropriate behavior. Boundaries are requests we make of other people regarding their behavior. Boundaries that are respected will foster behavior that allows for trust, professionalism, and accountability. Why is this important? Because when everyone knows where they stand and what is expected of them, it creates psychological safety, which in turn creates greater job satisfaction. As a leader practicing healthy boundaries, you will be more accepted, liked, and trusted because those around you will emulate the behaviors you are exhibiting.
Maintaining professional distance is also good for your mental and physical health. When we blur boundary lines, we tend to take on other co-workers’ trauma and problems. In other words, we allow emotional dumping that can lead to overwhelm, depression, and secondary trauma.
Implementing Healthy Boundaries
There are a few ways we can implement boundaries in a command culture where there is hierarchy and an expectation of professionalism already in place. First, identify where the most common boundary failures are within yourself and your team or subordinates. Once you know where the breakdown is, you can start to do something about it. Is it a problem with inter-shift dating causing drama? Maybe an issue with integrity when talking to detainees or the public? Or how about the blanket statement of ‘low morale’? Second, model the behavior you expect both physically and verbally. Keep your personal life separate from your work life, especially when discussing things in a more low-key or familiar manner. Ensure you’re speaking to everyone in a manner you would want to be spoken to in. Remember, it may take some time, but those around you will not only know what you expect from them, but they will also mimic you! Trying to address the bottomless pit of low morale? Ask yourself how your morale and temperament are. Again, like follows like. You must control your own behavior before you can expect to help others control theirs. Finally, weed out those that appear to be boundary pushers, also known as morale killers. Once they are identified, you will then be able to deal with their behavior more swiftly and effectively.
It is important to deal with the behavior and not label the person. Avoid calling people things like ‘toxic’ or ‘lazy.’ Once you label someone, they may live up to their label! Instead, address issues by pointing to someone’s specific language or behavior. Example: a new policy has been put into place regarding appointment transports that gives the court or road patrol officers the option to work overtime should transport appointments run past a corrections officer’s shift end-time of 6 p.m. You notice one of your CO’s is upset over this new policy and is verbally letting everyone know. They are bashing the agency and you as their supervisor for allowing this policy to happen. Instead of the typical ‘suck-it-up-buttercup attitude, try saying something that specifically addresses their behavior or language.
For example, “You seem to be having a hard time adjusting to the new transport policy. I heard you say it was ‘BS and you’re not going to do it.’ What is really going on? What upsets you the most about this new policy?” By allowing the CO to (respectfully) vent their frustrations without labeling them, you create trust and respect. Do they have a valid point that the upper admin had not considered before implementing the policy, such as allowing the overtime to go to the COs already working the transport first before offering to other divisions? Or are they just frustrated with their current assignment and need a change of venue? Either way, if you set appropriate boundaries for behavior and language, a vastly more productive discussion will occur that benefits both you and them.
Conclusion
When workers feel emotionally safe, they are more likely to open up regarding agency issues; they are more likely to show respect for you and the organization; and they will display greater ethical decision-making, which helps to sustain their performance and prevent burnout. Having and implementing clear boundaries will foster and create a positive work environment and reduce favoritism and emotional exhaustion. But you have to put in the work through consistent boundary setting and implementation.
As leaders of our communities, we want respect and balance both on duty and off duty. And it starts with you. Knowing yourself and your team is critical for identifying useful boundaries and where there are boundary failures.
As we progress in the future, we are seeing that command cultures are not only defined by hierarchy and strength, but also by boundary stability and ethical clarity.
References
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.
Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383.
Goleman, D. (1998). Working with Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.
_____________________________
Barbara L. Gould retired in 2023 to focus her efforts on health and wellness for corrections officers and first responders after serving 19 years with the Genesee County Sheriff’s Office (GCSO) and 5 years with the Michigan Sheriffs’ Coordinating and Training Council (MSCTC) as their Director of Training. Barbara teaches locally and nationally regarding the impact trauma and sustained stress have on those in high-pressure fields. She maintains the following certifications: MSCTC-approved LCO Academy instructor; Ashtanga, Restorative, and Yin yoga instructor; Mindfulness instructor; Emergency Medical Technician. For more information, she can be contacted at GouldLLC@yahoo.com